I can feel the walls closing in on me, my back hits the wall and I fall down onto my knees. Oxygen is a long lost memory now, every agonising second is starting to feel like hours. My mouth is left agape, wide open, a home for screams so desperately wanting to be heard, yet I remain silent.
My eyes are wide as saucers, seeing but not comprehending. The very eyes that are deemed to be the window of ones soul now act as curtains that cover my sadness, putting up a facade of joy.
Days fade into nights, summer into winter. I have not smiled, really smiled in a month. I have not laughed in a year and I have not lived for a million more. Is this what it feels like to be trapped inside your head? If it is then I’m not trapped, I’m held prisoner.
I want to scream at someone, at anything to fill this void, this emptiness that is eating me away but I can’t. I cannot let them see me like this, not now.
I will wait, wait until I have to courage to seek help, wait until I’m not ashamed of myself, wait until I stop trying to convince myself that I’m fine. .
I will wait, I will keep waiting until I cannot wait anymore, I will keep waiting until my heart finally says,”You are worth it, seek help for you are not okay but you will be.”
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