Depression. Such an abused word, isn't it?
People often mistake grief for depression and sometimes vice versa. But when you really go through depression, when you really feel that intensity of sadness, helplessness, you hope to be happier, to get over it and you try everything in your power to not feel it again.
But the truth is, once you feel it, you can never unfeel it. That part of you will always be with you, that phase will always leave a scar. And sometimes that scar can open up and that wound hurts, making you nostalgic.
Then what do you do? You wrap yourself in self pity, and stitch that wound somehow and pretend it's not there. But it is there. And it hurts. It hurts a lot. After that, it's all up to you how careful you are around the wound. But society doesn't see your cautiousness. They make fun of you, they mock at your past, they call you weak, they poke at your stitched wound so much that blood finally oozes out of it.
Now.
You are on the verge of giving up. You are contemplating ways how you could give up. You turn deaf to all the beautiful things your mind reminds you that you are, and rather give yourself a thousand reasons why you should give up now. The blood is oozing out, you are getting numb, people are poking at the wound more.
What do you do now? What do you want to do? How do you live? Or.. should you even? These are the questions that linger in our minds when we are at the rock bottom.
But maybe, try asking yourself these : Do you want your last memories to be of you assessing your importance on the basis of what society infers about you? Do you want them to have the win? Do you want to give in?
No. Not when you're so full of opportunities because you're so much stronger than you think, more worthy than you feel and much more beautiful than you could possibly imagine.
So what's next?
You close your eyes.
You take a deep breath.
You look up.
You stumble a bit but you stand up.
And you finally stitch the wound again.
You do everything in your power to stop the bleed and this time, it heals. Not entirely, but enough to fight through another battle.
When you look at the scar, you realize that, that very scar defines your battles, it defines what you have survived and that very scar makes you, you.
Trying to unfeel things, you become ignorant to your issues. You hope depression would fade away with time, that it is a temporary phase. But once you get familiar with depression, you live in it. You squirm uncomfortably under the burden of so many emotions hitting us at the same time. But eventually, you learn to be comfortable with that part of your story. You learn to be comfortable to feel things. You embrace your emotions.
And that is okay.
It is okay to feel.
And sometimes people can fail to understand that.
But it is okay.
To feel.
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