Fear of Isolation
You know that moment, when you are just feeling so low, that the only thing you can hear is your heart beat? Or that moment when a glass plate falls down, makes a sound like that of a crying cat and breaks into pieces and tiny, really tiny bits of powder? That moment when a leaf stalk , loses the branches support, falls down and gets crippled by walking men and driving cars.
That is what a person with fear of isolation feels everyday and probably every hour. That anxiety it causes so much pain in the heart, like someone is trying to hammer nails in your heart. That anxiety is so deadly. Being a person suffering from fear of isolation is so hard. You are so sad, so angry, so insecure and so scared all the time. The worst part is you always feel like you didn't choose this. You try to swim out of this drowning deep ocean of misery so hard, but you always fail. A person with this fear cries. Every night or maybe once a week or month. Crying is like expressing, but no one understands why you are crying. It's so complicated. It is like climbing some spiral never ending stairs. Sometimes the pain is slow. The slow pain is very bad. It is like the needle of an injection, piercing the epidermis of your hand very slowly, as slow as a sloth's yawn.
Fear of isolation can be experienced even when you are having a lot of people around you. You feel lonely in a crowd. In fact, even extroverts face fear of isolation. One must think, how can a person having so many people around all the time be sad? Unfortunately it still happens. When you have careless friends, when you do things for others but no one does anything for you. When you make charts for birthdays of your friends but you don't even get a small piece of paper. A person facing this fear finds his or her life love less. This is most commonly felt when
they feel they have no one they can call as their's friends or when no one calls that person their friend. That's like no one counts on you for good things.
Sometimes, people say that anyone facing fear of isolation is hungry for attention. They bluntly tag them as attention seekers or actors. Fear of isolation isn't hunger for attention. It's hunger for basic love and a pure relation of a caring friendship.
Being a person who has suffered through this, I know how hard it gets and how empty it feels. It's so difficult to get through this. It seems endless. Factors like social media used to make it worse because of the stories and the posts. It was so difficult to get out of it. My diary's pages were full of sad writings and poems. Poems about pretentious attitude people have, about loneliness and death. It all seemed so bad like a sinking ship.
What is worse than being on a sinking ship?
With no lifeboats to take you in and a loose life preserver not helping you swim?
With chilling water and chunks of melting ice and sparkling fireworks working as signs? With black sky and gazillion stars and endless horizon not showing you a path? With freezing hearts and eye's colour fading away showing this one's dead too.
No mournful sighs, no teeth chattering
Just a flattering heavenly call.
Dead eyes, dead notice, dead calls, dead hearts and a dead sky.
All were dead within.
Honestly, all that helped me was opening up to a person. I realized all that I needed was a genuine concern and pure friendship from a friend. Not pretentious, pure. That friend helped me to open doors I was afraid to open. To open my wings and help me fly. It was truly the best thing that happened. From being as lonely as a white cloud in the October sky, as dead as the slow moving winds and as empty as a dry water pot I have learned to live, to fight, to rise and to fly. I am loving, laughing, living and I am growing, glowing and grieving in a healthy way. I have made my way and to anyone who is facing the fear, remember one thing, you can be happy and healthy.
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