This is going to be kind of a departure from my usual- impersonal, practical, research-based articles. I’m going to be talking about a single person, an event, which changed my outlook on the world. Until yesterday, I was going to write about something science-y for this submission, but then again, yesterday’s events shook me to my core. It’d be a utopian world if such wasn’t the case but realistically, it isn’t. Whoever one is, whatever walk of life they come from, they can always be struggling with something deeper, something an outsider like you or I wouldn’t be able to understand at all. ‘Success’ is a very relative term, and moreover, material success isn’t the only yardstick to measure it. This is quite literally a case for “Money can’t buy happiness”.
One of my best friends- a guy I met in 4th grade and let’s call him Rahul- was the nicest, sweetest, most well-read person in the room, and still continues to be one today. We were friends from 4th to 6th and then we gradually started drifting apart because of the changing dynamic of teenage life. I was a typical bully, which may have been considered “cool” at the time. I never spent too much time looking beyond myself. It was always- “my” classes, “my” academics, “my” life. Safe to say that I wasn’t a very good friend.
Until I reached 8th grade, mental health really never occurred to me as an independent issue. Neither did I know too much about it, nor did I care too much to find out. I didn’t understand the difference between being sad and being clinically depressed. I thought mental health was only a topic to gain more attention by advertising your problems. Then one fine day, Rahul told me that he was feeling depressed. My immediate reaction was “Don’t be nonsensical, depression naam ki cheez hoti hi nahi hai”. Then I wondered why he would tell me, a bully who didn’t care about much, something as heavy as that. But I also noticed a change in him. He had grown quieter, quieter than he already was. The spark in his eyes was almost extinguished and I got this absolute gut feeling that he was not joking. He was not joking. This sweet boy, who had always been the most mature, always put on a happy face and supported everybody when it mattered, even if they picked on him-was not joking. The reason I emphasize upon this is because I used to hang out with a desensitized crowd for whom a minor inconvenience was a cause to “be depressed”.
My first thought after I had been told however, was- “Am I the reason for this?”, “Is my rudeness contributing to him feeling this way?”. I was always an outspoken girl who had her two cents to give to any conversation, but this left me speechless. I mean, if he was depressed wasn’t it his ‘fault’? Wasn’t it he who had to deal with it? Why should I be bothered? So clearly, I was making this also about myself again.
For once, I didn’t behave calculatively. For once, I sat down and I listened to him. That’s how I became a nicer person. And that’s how he became happier. This guy is one of my bestest friends in the world now. It just goes to show that we have to be aware of the kind of energy we are releasing into this world. I remember him once telling me that I gave him a second chance at life because I just listened to him with absolutely no judgements, but in reality, it is also he who gave me the chance to become a better person by trusting me to behave maturely and not give him any extreme, knee-jerk answers.
Being there for a person is not just a one-time thing though. I’ve been seeing a lot of Instagram stories with users reassuring their followers that they are there for them. While this is all well and good, I’d implore each of you to find that ONE person who will stick by you through anything- A parent, a friend, a significant other, whoever it may be- just make sure to open up to them, because we really are our worst critics and sometimes we do need a second opinion.
Indian society needed the death of an influential figure to start the conversation about mental health and illness, but we can make sure that it keeps going and gains momentum. Be there for the people who really matter to you and to whom you really matter. Don’t shut them down when they start to open up to you, maybe you’re the only one they want to talk to at that point. You never know what the person in front of you is going through so please- return that smile, tell someone what they mean to you, check up on your friends and be a good person :)
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