What is love? A word that we so often use but is so hard to define. And it is different for everyone.
I believe in love but i don't strongly believe in finding it in another person. I think sometimes, someone is destined to be strong enough to stand their own ground and be their own person for the rest of their life. And sometimes, someone is meant to have a significant other.
For me, it's never about finding that missing piece in my puzzle or finding my other half. My idea of a healthy relationship is when two individuals who are independent and strong enough on their own come together and form a much greater force out in the universe. It's about building each other up together, and individually. It is calming our own storms while having the emotional support and the feeling of belongingness we need from our significant other.
As teenagers, we assume that being in a relationship will solve all our problems. And we often attach our worthiness to the number of people interested in us. But most of us have felt lonely in a room full of so many people. The thing is, loneliness is an emotion and that emotion is simply a feedback to what is going on inside of you. And being in a relationship is not going to change what's going on within yourself.
People around you could tell you so many things they love about you and yet you find yourself in moments when you refuse to believe them. Why does that happen? it's because you haven't searched for answers from the inside, you haven't looked at yourself without mirroring the way people perceive you. It's the work you put in, in yourself that is going to help you brave through your battles. While being in a relationship we get the help we need and we learn to be coherently dependent on someone else, but since our young minds are so impressionable, we lean into the dependency so much that we forget how to lean on to ourselves.
There is a quote that says "We accept the love we think we deserve."
So the question that arises is, how do we know for sure what kind of love we deserve?
I think the answer is you don't.. You simply can't know for sure. Because if you did, chances are you'd either be a narcissist or someone with very low self esteem and your world would go spiralling down either ways. So you just.. learn. From every relationship that you've been in or the ones around you. You learn, about yourself, about what's right for you at that moment. And I think the love we want keeps on changing. It's not going to be the same five years down the line. Your priorities will be different, your goals and interests could change, you will find a new aspect about yourself. And most of us are afraid to do it the wrong way. But what we fail to understand that in order to have something that is right for us, we need to know what is wrong for us as well.
As we come to the end of this blog, I want to be clear that I'm not closed off to love and relationships and I know that people have different expectations and beliefs regarding the same and I respect that. I just want to spread the message from a teenager to a teenager that you've a long way to go and you don't need someone to make your life validated, to tell you if you are good enough. because you already are. And if someone hasn't taken interest in you or saw you the way you want them to, doesn't mean you are not worth looking at.
And no matter how the circumstances turn out, I really hope you treat yourself with kindness and patience and find solace within yourself.
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