Feminist –I choose to call myself one because I believe in the principle of equality for all genders, in social and economic aspects. It is hence, hurtful when someone uses the term feminist as an insult. I know it isn’t insulting, because I know what values I have chosen to defend. Just because it is related
to the word feminine, it doesn’t indicate or mean in any way, the need to promote femininity over masculinity. Being a Feminist hasn’t made me feminine in any way despite what people would have me believe.
Now, when we do talk about feminist issues and the injustice faced by women and other marginalized folks, there is always a backlash in the form of “what about men”. This trope repeats itself in multiple places. When black people choose to talk about issues faced by systemic racism,
there will be a white person saying “what about reverse racism”. When people belonging to the LGBT community speak about issues about them, there’s always comments about “why do y’all hate straight people”. When economically backward people talk about issues faced by them, why is there always a rich person talking about “anti-rich” prejudice? This narrative of hijacking the conversation of a victim with an alternative discussion that aims to push the conversation away from the main topic of discourse is what some rightfully call victimhood culture. There seems to be a need to claim any minor inconvenience as oppression.
Coming to the title of this, and what I do wish to focus on: When men say “what about men” as a response to conversations about men’s issues, let us address the question. What about men? It is noticeable that the contribution of that man to the conversation starts and ends with that question. There is no actual effort from his part to explore and state what about men? Men’s rights and men’s
issues are genuine and need to be discussed. However, they can’t be discussed only as a backlash to such conversations. Men’s issues such as high rates of suicide and higher rates of conviction need to be explored. And Feminism, by no means ignores this issue, at least in principle. Here’s what I deduce, there are differences in how society perceives women and men and also in
how male friend groups and female friend groups function. And these have affected male behaviour up to some extent.
a) Female bonding groups usually tend to have an overt expression of affection and are usually vocal about feelings and tend to make their members heard. There has always been, a sense of empowerment surrounding the idea of female peer groups. However, the same can rarely be said about male friend groups. There is a sense of affection no doubt, but it remains concealed. There are rare instances where men are actually heard and actually find a space to express their feelings without being looked down as weak. Gender stereotypes
do affect both genders. In Men, they do affect the ability to express feelings openly and inculcate high levels of angst which at times, lash out in less than fortunate ways. The fact that almost all active shooters in the US targeting public places are men is not a mere coincidence.
b) Society has a different way of perceiving men and women . And at times, men do face the brunt of it as well. There are times when women are just deemed fit for caregiving roles because they appear safe. Women are viewed as docile. Men, on the other hand, are viewed as intimidating and brutish by default. Whether this is justified or not is arguable. The fact is, it exists. And a lot of times, men are actually anxious of appearing dangerous. It hurts to be considered dangerous by default. There are often times when men are scared of scaring
women. Now, both these, when put together, present a considerable problem. Men do face societal image issues up to a great extent. And they lack a balanced platform to talk about the same. They also find it hard to speak about the same issues in male peer groups for a fear of being deemed weaker. All this does result in a genuine crisis for males. We don’t really find male icons speaking about the issues. We tell men they're broken without actually providing a
solution.In fact, most versions of manhood presented are considered toxic by society. It is true, no one to actually help address the issues faced by men. But there are always radicals aiming to radicalize vulnerable and influential teens. And such men face a greater risk of actually being targeted by them.
While most facets of the males’ rights movements that hold some semblance to rationality such as male disposability and feminized legislation have been debunked, there is a need to have a conversation regarding men’s issues. It has been established multiple times that gender roles and
stereotypes and their enforcement affects men harmfully as well. While men have held roles of power( roles of authority) for the longest time, at the average level, men and women both have continued to face issues stemming from patriarchy
The long running joke of a man's only purpose being money has entered modern language as men being called wallets in response to women being called dishwashers. This shows that both genders
face issues from generaliztion and enforcement of stereotypes and as humanity grows more diverse, this will only be further highlighted .Men’s issues have to be discussed not just by feminists, but by men themselves. The shame attached to the conversation about adolescent male mental
health must be abandoned. Let people do what they want and talk about what they want without the societal pressure of being seen as too masculine or too feminine. It’s hard to abandon the concept of being judgemental but as Maria from the Sound Of Music says “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start”
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