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The Unspoken Night

hitanshi lalan

As I lay on my bed,

My room silent and dusky,

The weather so chilly

There’s absolute stillness

As I hear the tick-tick of the clock…


I fear such nights,

When I’m isolated in my own room

I ponder over how my day went...

Suddenly I’m filled with a void,

Profound in my heart


I think of how I am lagging behind

My peers all ahead of me,

I fear how I procrastinate,

Hours passing by in a blink of an eye


As I try to close my eyes,

I fear my uncertainty,

I fear my choices,

I fear if I will be able to execute,

My plans for tomorrow 


My heart is filled with regrets

Suddenly a drop of tear,

Rolls over my cheeks,

As I recall the past…


How awesome were those days?

When I used to express,

Even the tiniest of my fears,

To my PARENTS…!


I miss those days,

When words were not exchanged,

Still mom would exactly know

What’s been upsetting me...!


When my eyes could,

Communicate with my dad

And he could sense my emotions…

How he would just sit close to me,

Hug me and say nothing…


I feel like going to my parent’s room,

Utter nothing and simply make space,

For myself between them

Just like I used to... 


I wonder how fast things alter,

Habits, preferences transform...

I was a toddler few years ago,

Now I’ve turned into an adolescent 


I experience a different kind of change,

In my relationships with people,

Suddenly, I’m left stranded,

To pick up from where I left


I realise I alone have to fight,

All my battles

I am no more a tot,

Hinged on people…


I feel a knot in my stomach

I have to prevail over my breakdowns,

I swear to wear my heart,

On my sleeves…


At this midnight hour,

My parents assuming I’m fast asleep

No one beside me to consolidate,

Eventually I cry myself to sleep…

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