I've lived with my family since almost 18 years. My difficult parents and distant 27-year-old brother, but now is when I am actually getting to know them. I won't say that everything between us in rainbows and sunshine, we have our world wars quite often, but after spending weeks with them, I can successfully say that they aren't what I thought they are.
It's also possible that I'm just trying to be positive in this situation. There's really nothing else we can do at this juncture, but it is so strenuous to keep smiling through it. When I open my phone, I'm flooded with heart sinking news, posts, articles, rants and memes about the corona virus which is supposed to be dark humour, but in some ways, affects us incomprehensible amounts even if we don't want to admit it. There are some days where I just tear up for no absolute reason (apart from dealing with the repercussions of a global pandemic of course) and I cannot get myself to get up from the warm sheets of my bed, there are some days where I feel so pathetic about the about the sheer fact that I cannot be as productive as the others I keep seeing on social media and most days, I just do not have the energy in me to stay connected with any of my friends even with my phone in my very hand.
In sociology, I was taught about Xenophobia, which means 'fear of the unknown', and during these dark days is when I truly understand the meaning of it. It is truly terrifying and frustrating for me not to know what shape my life will take and when I would be able to mould it myself. No one likes this kind of mystery, where everything that you held on to and hoped for is remote and unforeseeable. I wanted to travel with my best friends this year, be a part of some kind of internship in the summer that could have refreshed me with experience and most importantly pave the way, how intellectuals say, to ‘discover myself’. 2020 is like the year 2012 wanted to be, and probably in all this, I can make my life feel like a character in a Hollywood movie.
I miss Mumbai. I miss its crowded streets, its eager street sellers, its craziness, its buzz and the raw emotion I feel when I travel around my city. I miss going to the beach and sipping coconut water and watch the sky melt into the sea right in front of my eyes with the salty breeze. I miss having dosa and pani puri at the cranny of different streets. I miss listening to music in auto rickshaws while I rush to meet my friends. I miss crossing the sea link and choosing the right song for the ride at the toll plaza and I miss being stuck in traffic and complaining about it. Little things which did not seem significant to me before, are now an epitome of significance and it tears me apart thinking about it.
If what WHO says deems to be true, it shatters me to think about the kind of world we are leaving for the new people to come. They won't be able to cross cities off their bucket lists or go for student exchanges or study abroad or not even ever get to try the flaming hot cheetos that graces our stores from miles away. All these updates breed so much pessimism.
Although if you think about it, the first hug that you receive from your best friend would probably be the best one you’ve ever received or the first pani puri you have from a local seller never tasted better before or the first time you swim in the ocean never made you feel so refreshed or the first kiss you have would be so passionate that it would be unforgettable. Everything that was ordinary will never feel mundane again. We need a vaccine like optimism when we don’t have the real one. When everyone came out on that lazy Sunday at 5pm and clapped their hands, I saw their tiny figures in the distance making their tiny contributions to our country and it felt like a revolution. Millions of Indians united for the first time, irrespective of race, gender, caste, creed, sex or any other superficial classifications. In this pandemic, it is imperative to uplift one another. There are people coming out of their cocoons and producing incredible forms of art, poetry, dance, cooking and so much more which I don’t think theyd ever be able to do in their normal sedentary lifestyles. There are men not just sitting on their chairs like kings and demanding for tea and breakfast, but now they are curating their own tea and breakfast. There are women who have never stepped foot in the kitchen, adapting to culinary abilities. There are teenagers taking online classes and earning for themselves. There are children lending a hand in the housework and learning these core lessons at such a young age. There are senior citizens getting to spend wholesome moments with their children and grandchildren. There is creation of new board games when the existing ones have exhausted. We are all struggling to pass every single day, so cut those bangs, post that workout video, showcase your talent, make that stupid dalogna coffee and do whatever makes you happy, without caring about anybody’s opinion.
All in all, there is so much gratitude for privileges and empathy for those who are bereft of these privileges. There's overdue appreciation for doctors and nurses and delivery guys and watchmen and the police. There's an ever-glowing atmosphere of ‘après vous’ meaning ‘after you’ in French for everyone around us. There's help, food and support given to those who are stranded far away from their families. Along with being trapped, we are being let into a world where we can discover ourselves, and it is just so crucial for us to hang in there and remember that great things happen to those who wait.
too good