Everyday, we make judgments about people, trying to determine their story and figure out who they are. It’s easy to make the wrong assumption when we only see pieces of what’s happening.
The best question you can ask yourself is “What’s Missing?”. It’s important to consider that you are missing the details.
This is what psychology is all about – learning the ins and outs of a person’s life and figuring out why people do what they do. What elements in their life contribute to their choices and actions? What pieces of their story are you missing that might cause misunderstanding?
The Johari Window, created by psychologists Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham (1916–1995) in 1955, is a simple tool for assessing self-awareness. Each square is technically called a quadrant but I’d like to refer to them less formally as windows. Each window acts as a portal into various parts of yourself. To be more dramatic, a glimpse into your soul.
The window entitled Open represents characteristics about yourself that you and others are all aware of. If you were to think of a couple of your friends, you could easily pick at least two adjectives to describe each of them. Who’s the funny one? The shy one? The ‘mom’ of the group? The first window holds no surprises about the way you present yourself to an audience. However, the adjectives you may have used to describe someone may seem fairly superficial – just a few words that barely touch on the surface into who they truly are.
Now I’m going to jump to the Hidden window. We all have secrets – traits or parts of our lives that we prefer to shield from others. In this window, you keep the curtains drawn, so to speak, to prevent the neighbours from knowing your business and by doing so, you create gaps in the image that you present to others and thus you need to ask “What’s Missing?”. What parts your life do you refuse to share with others, which in essence, creates a façade about who you really are?
VULNERABLITY
This is what deepens relationships. Allowing yourself to be open to your own introspection, and then allowing others to see parts of yourself you might want to conceal. It is our natural instinct to protect ourselves, the behaviour dating back to the creation of man. But what happens when we pull back the curtains? When we let someone see the truth beyond the window? I think you will find that sharing something real, something honest with one another is the best way to form human communication.
Those who drive can fully attest that side mirrors cannot always be trusted – that they fail to reveal everything around you. It is referred to as the blind spot and each of us carry personal blind spots as well. Typically, as far as this diagram is concerned, your Blind Spot refers to characteristics that you’re to biased to see in yourself. Like maybe what you consider leadership skills are perceived as overly controlling by others in a group setting. Frightening, isn’t it? The idea of others knowing something about you that you aren’t even aware of. Pursuing on a deeper level, these blind spots can even include repressed memories and feelings from childhood experiences, tucked away in the latent part of your mind for safe keeping until others can help you discover them. Perhaps it’s even information about your life that you have not yet identified, like the purpose of your fears or desires. In this case, it is important to consider your own story. What details might you be missing about who you really are?
I would like to conclude with a brief mention of the Unknown. These are elements of yourself undiscovered by you or anyone else. It is your future, not yet thread upon or written.
Thus, I urge you, do not be too quick to diagnose what is apparent, while forgetting what yet remains unseen. The fish can only see the bait, sometimes you should be looking for the hook. Never be afraid to ask “What’s Missing?”
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