We were twelve years old, already lovers. Well that is what I thought. Who wouldn’t? Together since the day we were born. Swinging the swings after the first dew when the grass was so green, riding through the silhouettes of forest mountains, spending those sunsets near the rivers when the sky was crimson, and your skin was golden with those little freckles on your cheek. Your eyes were brown but that day it was more than brown, it was the entire river, the sky and me. Well I never looked more beautiful until my eyes met yours. You were flawless for me at least. You always saved me from the hurt of the humans. I wanted to tell you how I feel about you, but I didn’t want to. I was shy and I still loved the way we were. But then you had to go away, somewhere, some unknown where they were only cement towers and grey air. I was terribly sad because my grandma told me the grey cities made people ugly.
I tucked myself under the cushion and sobbed and after an hour I felt a soft touch on my back, it was my father. He told me something which I remember even after these years, “If you want to be with someone forever you tell them how much you love them, and their heart creates a special room just for you. I wanted to be with you forever, so I rushed towards your house on my bicycle without my helmet. See, that is how much I love you and I stopped near your mailbox, left my bicycle near it and stood in front of you. It was autumn and leaves were all crisp and yellow. Not waiting a second I said, “I love you.” You smiled with a drop of tear on your eyes and you said, “I love you too.” My cheek reached up to my eyes and they were red, I ran towards my cycle and rushed home running over those crispy leaves without even saying goodbye. Because I was so ecstatic, and I hugged my dad and I was a different person. I stood up to the bullies and talked to people, I even ate your favorite candy for you. Whenever it was autumn, I could hear your voice, the bell near your mailbox and the crispy leaves. These stupid things made me so happy. It was my 6th autumn after you and passing through your house, I saw a car and a truck outside and a light inside.
You were back and I was crazy about that. Thinking nothing else, I rang the bell of your house. Your mom stood in front of me and she hugged me, taking my name and calling you. She said it’s been a while, and I looked the same but a little taller. You climbed down the stairs and you looked just the way you left. Even more beautiful with long hair. The city made you even more pretty. I ran towards you to hug you, but you raised your hands for a handshake and asked, “and you are?” I felt a pinch on my chest, and I remembered what my grandma said. Then looking at my confused face you remembered who I was and said, “Oh man, I missed you. How have you been?”. "Just the way you left me.” I said. But still I was a lot happier than I was sad until a person called you ‘baby’ from behind.
You kissed the person before introducing me. My heart sank and I made my eyes smaller because they couldn’t hold it. I could see your mom noticing it so after being introduced I ran home over those crispy leaves just like I did 6 years ago, but this time it was sad and miserable and totally uncool. I shouted at my dad for making me believe such silly stuff and blamed the city for making you do this to me. But my dad said, “Child, the city brings out the worst from a person, but the worst was already there.” I couldn’t believe him but if you loved me, you should have waited for me just the way I waited for you. You told me you loved me or was that out of pity. Is this what they call the naivety of first love or was it I who was too naive? Were we two too small for such big words? Or was it your lie in autumn?
I told myself there is no point in asking questions or crying except for confrontation. I messaged you and it took a day for you to reply. Well that’s okay, you’ve been busy with the house shifting. I asked you if you could meet me near our favorite spot which you didn’t forget. Thank God you didn’t! So, I got up early at 6, brushed with my special strawberry toothpaste, did my hair just the way you used to like them and reached the cherry tree (our spot) like an hour early. That’s not being desperate but being punctual. “O, there you are, an hour late!”, I said when I saw you. You looked shabby but still beautiful, how do you manage to pull that off?
“Hi Mandy, so, what did you want to talk about?” You even remember my pet name. I was getting redder, you haven’t changed that much, you knew how to make me blush. I couldn’t keep it to myself and I wanted to tell you that you mean so much, so much more. So, like an idiot said, “Why would you not wait for me? You told me you love me, and you kissed a boy yesterday. Who was he?!” As expected, she looked surprised, I continued, “So, what if we both are girls? Wait a minute, is this why you did this to me? Come on, we have kissed, and I bet for sure your parents are open minded. Also, you’ve been to the city.” She seemed to be stunned, like she was not being able to apprehend anything. She was blue and suddenly she said, “I need to think, I need space and I am speechless, sorry.”, and then she ran away. I know I am dumb, and I did something very stupid. I literally disgusted her. I hated myself even more. I ran too but home, and I locked myself up. My parents were worried, but I still wouldn’t open the door until you knocked. As soon as I saw you, I rattled, “ I’m so sorry Chloe, I know you are just back but these feelings have been in me for 6 years and I needed to tell you but I didn’t mean to scare you off!”, before I could continue you stopped me and said….
“Now listen to me Maurice, we have been best of friends since we were born and I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice your feelings for all these past years. I’ve been such a bad friend. I couldn’t even keep touch, I didn't message you nor did I call you. Forgive me if you ever could. I still love you but not as a lover but as a good wisher, and most importantly as a friend. I still care for you and I would never stop doing that, but my heart belongs to Pete for he has been with me in that miserable city through all my ups and downs. Love is something that is to be found and I found that in him. I hope you could accept my feelings and we could still be friends.” And not saying another word, you left. I chased you down the living room and told you, “Thank you for making me understand and Yes, we can still be friends just the way we used to be.” And that’s it! What did you think?
I wouldn’t have gotten over her, but I saw it in her eyes. Her eyes radiated when she talked about Pete with happiness and comfort. That guy gave her something which I couldn’t in all these years. Now I knew what made her beautiful, it was him. And if I love her, I should be happy when she is happy and that is the thing so many of us must understand. I hope I find someone other than Chloe. Someone who would make me beautiful just the way Chloe did. Now that I remember, it was never, ‘Your lie in Autumn’ it was just, ‘My lie in Autumn’.
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